Friday, November 16, 2012

Feeling like a crappy Mom today

I'm tired. Hubby has been away since last Friday and returns on Sunday. Solo-parenting blows. 7 days down and I'm spent.

I'm so lucky to have a regular routine now with my MIL - I've been dropping E off for dinner on Friday evenings and pick him back up Saturday morning. It's a special time for them to spend together and a night off for me and that's all that matters.

When we first started this new schedule a few months ago, I really missed E. Isn't that crazy? It was only a few waking hours that he wasn't around, but I missed the kid like crazy. Now that the colder weather is here and we seem to be stuck inside a bit more during the day, I am really appreciating the break much more. Especially this week.

For the most part, I've done a pretty swell job at staying sane this week. We got out for some hikes with a friend, got some window shopping in while E was in preschool and we went to story time and got a ton of new books at the library.  It was all the in between stuff that kind of sucked. Like the painting and craft messes, the NO!!!!!'s, and for the love of god is it too much to ask for a preschooler to not bang around and scream when I'm putting the baby down for a nap?!

I feel like the colder weather is totally bringing me down. I am lacking the energy to get out of the house and at the same time angry with myself for putting it off. E is bored and frustrated with me lately, I know. I can tell by his outbursts - he's just not his happy self. I absolutely love my days with my kids and the thought of having to go back to work makes me sick, but lately I feel like I am almost doing E a disservice by making him stay home with me. I know, it's silly but on days like today where I feel like we accomplished nothing, I taught him nothing and all he seemed to do was cry and scream about nothing, I feel like a crappy stay-at-home Mom. I want to teach him so many things. I want him to experience new things. These things aren't happening. Ugh.

Part of my battle is being so mindful of my energy and feelings and E's energy now. I know that my behaviour is directly reflected in his. I know I need to stop worrying about the future. I know I need to take one day at time. Here, today, now I'm just so frustrated with myself.

Tonight I'm enjoying my little 1/2 break (it's just R and I). Back to full-time work tomorrow, with more positivity and more little moments to relish in like this one from today...

This will never get old.


  1. All you have to think of is the right here and right now...not tomorrow.
    The dreary weather impacts me greatly too. Have you considered getting a light lamp?

  2. Hang in there. Take it moment by moment. And always remember you are doing your best.

  3. I feel that way sometimes and totally question being home with the kids. I think we all do... at least that's what I tell myself!

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  6. I find the weather takes a toll on me too. Less daylight, less time outside...ya, that.

    Last December DH was gone on a business trip for 7 days too. It was hard.

    Like Brie says - hang in there. You're doing your best.