I didn't know what I wanted to do when I grew up so I picked a college course I knew would interest me. Within three years I landed my now full-time career in what I always felt was something I was good at and enjoyed.
A few years later I became a mother. And like many women experience, my focus shifted to my son. My passion and commitment to being a mother grew and my passion and commitment to my career suddenly escaped me. And new passions were realized.
I've been back at work since the end of my one year maternity leave and for 16 months now I have struggled. I have a full-time responsibility in being a mother and a full-time career outside of the home and it's nearly impossible for me to do both to my full potential. I know I'm not alone. I don't know a mother out there that isn't looking for that elusive balance in life.
I feel like I am slacking at work because working late isn't possible any more with day care pick-ups. I've felt a big difference in my work ethic and my attitude. Putting in exactly eight hours has never really been my style. If I had deadlines approaching I would work through the evening at the office. Now, I don't have a choice to stay late. I don't like my attitude of oh well, it will get done tomorrow. My career has clearly taken a fall from one of my top priorities. It feels lazy and it's stressful because I feel like I'm always a step behind. I no longer feel like my career is what I was meant to do.
I've always believed in doing what makes you happy. If you don't like what you are doing, do something about it. I could never work in a job that I hated no matter the pay. Even though my pay isn't great, I've always enjoyed most of my responsibilities in my job and they compliment my strengths but...
It's hard for me to focus when I am at work; day dreaming about where I would rather be or what I would rather be working on. I feel like I am trying to escape my current reality. Every day I daydream about how I could make it work without having a full-time career outside of the home. Everyday I escape the thought of approaching work deadlines and dream of more ideas for my business plan and of self-employment. I don't know whether I should slap back to reality and tell my self to shape up and get back to work or whether I should be following my dreams and following through with my escape plan.
I'm joining Capital Mom today by blogging about a moment from my life based on a theme she has provided. This week’s Monday Moment theme is Escape.