Thursday, January 20, 2011

Baby Mama

People.com is one of my guilty pleasures. This week a surprising story broke. Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban had a second daughter. Well, er, kinda. A gestational carrier gave birth to their biological daughter.
 
Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick did it last year and landed twin girls.

I wonder if surrogacy will be a growing trend among celebrities and with the rising infertility rates?I find all of this fascinating.

I wonder how they came to the conclusion to use a gestational carrier. I remember reading their troubles in conceiving their first children. I wonder how they chose the perfect fit and what their criteria was. Most of all, I wonder how much they paid (to reimburse out-of-pocket expenses that is) this woman! (You can be fined from $500,00 and up and face 10 years in jail if you pay a surrogate mother in Canada).

The topic of surrogacy came up with my girlfriends at one of our dinner clubs months ago. We found ourselves going around the room asking each other - would you do it?

I remember watching a baby story on TLC years ago and it was a story about a woman carrying a child for her sister and husband. It was a beautiful story and their journey seemed flawless. The surrogate already had children of her own and wasn't planning any more. Her sister could not conceive and exhausted all other options. She wanted a child and put the offer on the table. The surrogate seemed so selfless and caring. It truly is an amazing gift to give to someone. But could you do it?

I think I could. But maybe that's just my baby fever talking and the fact that I am young and only have one child right now. I would however, have a few limitations. I would do it for a family member or close friend, but I wouldn't do it for a stranger. I would want to be part of the child's life. And I too, would wait until I had finished having my own children.

There are many guarantees I would request too - but obviously couldn't control. If we could guarantee that if would be a easy pregnancy that would be great. Knowing how great my first pregnancy was and how much I enjoyed being pregnant makes the decision much easier.


And what about seeking a gestational carrier to carry a baby for me? That would also be a tough call. I would find it hard to find a balance in trying to take some kind of control over the pregnancy. I would obviously want this carrier to be healthy and exercise and carry out a pregnancy like I would. But you can't control this. My criteria would be tough - but who knows, perhaps at this stage of desperation you drop the criteria and just be thankful that you will be getting a baby once all is said and done.

After doing a quick google search on surrogacy in Canada I found that there are many different types and options (6 in fact) and that there have only been estimated around 50-100 in total in Canada. There are some more FAQ's answered here. I have many more questions and I wish there were more stats out there. For example, I wonder how many of the receiving mothers initiate breastfeeding like some adoptive mothers do? Or how many gestational carriers stay in the picture? I wonder how involved mothers are during the pregnancy?

I also can't stop thinking about the movie, Baby Mama, starring Amy Poeler. That movie was hilarious, no? I laughed. I cried. But maybe that was because I was pregnant when I watched it.


There seems to be a stigma attached to it all, but I find the job of a "9 month babysitter" pretty amazing!

6 comments:

  1. Although this is a very selfless and giving thing to do, I would never do it. First, I suck at being pregnant. REALLY suck. Secondly, I couldn't carry a child and then give it away...even if it isn't mine.

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  2. I think previous pregnancy experience would effect a lot of women's decision.

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  3. knowing that i only wanted one child, and that i loved being pregnant, i actually thought about it after the jellybean was born. though i didn't know anyone that needed one. if i did i would do it. in a heart beat. yes, it would be tough to let go, but how wonderful would you feel for giving someone a child. awesome.

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  4. It would be awesome, wouldn't it? I loved being pregnant, but again I wouldn't consider it until I was finished having my children. And also the type of surrocacy would be a factor too, ie - if it was my egg? Hmm - may have a tougher time. Unless it was for a close family member.

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  5. A girl I went to school with is a paid surrogate through a legitimate organization in Canada. She was paid $40,000 for carrying, plus an allowance for maternity clothes and all health expenses and missed work time due to pregnancy sickness/appointments etc. covered by the family. But she did have a lot of criteria that she needed to meet such as keeping in reasonable shape and eating the right foods. She is now in her 34th week and expecting twins. I could never carry a baby and give it up...even if it was not really "mine". You bond so much with your baby inside of you, I just know I would not be able to do it

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  6. Really Jenn?? Everything I have read so far says that is illegal to out right pay for the service in Canada, but you can pay for expenses that the mother may have. Do you know the company she's using?

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