I'm leaving really early this morning for three days for a business trip.
This will be my first time really away and in a different city from little E. Hubby will be on his own for the weekend (with a little help from Grandma when he has work commitments).
I find myself wondering how little E will act without me around. Will he repeatedly go to the front door and pick up my running shoes and walk around the house saying "mommy?" like he does when Grandma babysits? Will he walk around the house pointing out pictures of me like he does of Daddy when he is away? Will he call for me if he wakes in the night or will he know to call for Daddy? Will he ask for me when Daddy both drops him off and picks him up from day care on Friday? I am going to miss him like crazy. It's such an overwhelming feeling to be a mother.
I could have easily turned down this business trip but I figured a weekend a few hours away is do-able. After all, it is important in my position to attend these events. It's the longer overseas trips that I am not too sure about anymore. I've been on a few in the past but just recently have declined a couple that are coming up in 2011. I know my single child-less colleagues are shaking their heads at me...but there is all the more opportunity for them to go now, right?
Even pre-baby I wasn't extremely passionate about these types of trips. They are stressful and a lot of work and are not necessarily part of my job description. They are considered an "opportunity" and I have the right to turn them down and offer the next person in line to go. Now that I have little E, the stress would only be heightened and I can't afford to come back worn out and sick like I have in the past.
This past summer I had a five day work event I had to attend a few hours away. Since I was still nursing, it was important for me to bring little E along. Hubby had planned to come but with bad timing of his work commitments it didn't work out. I ended up bringing my niece to babysit while I was busy which was only a couple hours at a time with breaks in between. It worked out great, but was double the work for me. Even though I am sad to leave little E this time part of me is happy to go on my own.
The fridge is full of meals and snacks that I prepared late last night. The counter holds freshly baked mini-muffins that I baked last night. On the kitchen counter sits a list of "reminders" like foods little E can't eat. In return, I only had one request before leaving - for Hubby to send me regular updates and send me pictures on Blackberry Messenger of all the fun they are having.
I'm sure my boys will be just fine without me.